


Hold Me While You Wait

by PeaceBlessingsPeyton



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anxiety, College, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Mental Health Issues, Romance, Sad Boi Zuko, Smut, Strangers to Lovers, Zutara, mentions of child abuse, only for a little while
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-16
Updated: 2020-06-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:55:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24746446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PeaceBlessingsPeyton/pseuds/PeaceBlessingsPeyton
Summary: Zuko knew he wasn’t the cute and cuddly type, he was the son of an abusive diplomat afterall and spent most of his life being touch starved. So things like romantic gestures, holding hands, and other things that girls wanted out of a relationship were lost on him. Then he meets Katara and between her gorgeous ocean blue eyes and kind, gentle heart he finds that he’ll go out of his way to figure out exactly what makes her happy.ORMai breaks up with Zuko for another guy and Katara is more than happy to help Zuko see his worth.
Relationships: Katara/Zuko (Avatar)
Comments: 36
Kudos: 242





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there! I'm brand new to the Zutara/Avatar: The Last Airbender fandom and I am so happy to be here 😊 
> 
> Please note before you begin reading that there will be mentions of some dark themes in this fic, so please pay attention to the chapter warnings and tags of this fic. These mentions won't dominate this fic, it will mostly be fluffy and sweet but just be aware. There will also be smut and nsfw material as well, so if that makes you uncomfortable, I recommend skipping this one. 
> 
> Also, this fic is unbeta'd so please forgive any errors. 
> 
> Chapter Warnings:   
> -Mentions of verbal child abuse

Zuko felt like he couldn’t breathe as he saw his ex-girlfriend Mai with  _ him _ . Her new boyfriend, the guy she was cheating on him with while they were still together. Zuko knew he wasn’t the cute and cuddly type but he was the son of an abusive diplomat afterall and had spent most of his life being touch starved. So things like romantic gestures, holding hands, and other things that girls wanted out of a relationship were lost on him. However, that didn’t mean that he didn’t try to be a good boyfriend to Mai. In fact, he thought he was doing a pretty good job at making her happy until she broke up with him. He tried to convince himself that there just wasn’t the right chemistry between them until he’d found out about the cheating. 

It was just another wound in his already beaten down heart. 

He stood there frozen while he watched them cross the quad as the familiar feelings of anxiety and not being good enough swirled in his chest. When he realized they were coming right towards him, he spun on his heel and went in the opposite direction, even though he had to cross the quad to get to his next class. He knew he would probably regret skipping class but being seen alone by Mai seemed so much worse at the moment. Keeping his eyes on the ground, he rounded the closest corner at full speed and knocked right into someone. 

“Hey!” A female voice said, as she shot back, her belongings going everywhere as she fell to the ground. 

His eyes went wide, a whole new anxiety swelling in his chest as he realized he hadn’t knocked down just any someone. 

Katara and her old brother Sokka also went to the same university as him but that wasn’t unusual for the children of important diplomats. He had seen Katara and Sokka maybe once a year during his formative years but now that they were all going to college, he saw them more and more often. 

“Shit, Katara, I’m so sorry,” he said, offering her his hand. 

Zuko and Katara were acquaintances at best, her older brother Sokka and his friends ran in the same circles. Wherever Sokka went, she always tagged along and it didn’t take him long to wonder why she didn’t have any friends of her own. Even when he didn’t spot her at a party or at other social gatherings, she was always alone. She was the opposite of her brother, she was quiet and kind to everyone she met. Including him. 

“Zuko,” she answered, a little breathless. 

“Here, let me help you up.” He said before walking behind her. Gently, he put his hands under her arms and hoisted her up. 

“Thanks,” she said as she dusted herself off.

Once she was steady on her own two feet, he crouched down and started picking up her things. 

“Oh, Zuko- you don’t have to do that.” 

“It’s the least I can do for running you over on the sidewalk,” he said bitterly. 

Agni, what was wrong with him? He was always screwing up. 

“It’s okay,” she said, putting a hand on his shoulder. 

“No it’s not,” he snapped, flinching away from her. “I wasn’t looking where I was going. I should’ve been more careful.” 

_ Control your temper!  _ He paused for a moment, taking a deep breath in and out before continuing his task. After placing all of her books back in her satchel, he stood before handing it back to her. 

“Hey, hey,” she said softly, placing her hand on his forearm. “It was just an accident. Don’t worry about it, I’m not upset.” 

“You should be, I could’ve hurt you.” His grip tightened on his backpack strap, his eyes cast down. 

She dipped her head so she could catch his line of sight. “But you didn’t, I swear I’m fine, it was just an accident...okay?” 

He couldn’t help but look at her then, the hopeful tone in her voice drawing him to her. Her eyes were open and honest, her mouth turned up into a small smile making his heart stutter against his rib cage. 

When had Katara gotten so beautiful? 

“Okay,” he acquiesced, “but let me at least buy you some tea to make it up to you.” 

“I’d love some tea,” she said, smiling up at him. 

His lips turned up into a smile and he felt the knot he’d had in his chest for the last week loosen just a little. 

***

When they got to the coffee shop, he asked Katara what she wanted before sending her off to find a seat for the two of them. Once he placed their order, he walked to the end of the counter to wait. Flexing his fingers, he took a deep breath as he willed his heartbeat to slow. 

When he turned sixteen, his father sent him off with his Uncle Iroh. At first, he had seen his exile as a punishment, like his father couldn’t even stand the sight of him and therefore he had to be sent away. It had been painful for him, especially since he was the only one sent away and not his sister Azula who stayed with their father. He was resistant to living with his Uncle at first, but eventually, his Uncle proved to Zuko that he had his best interest at heart. His Uncle taught him everything he knew, including the mediation he was currently using to calm him anxiety. 

_ In-two-three-four-out-two-three-four _

He repeated this mantra in his head until the barista slid their teas across the counter. He knew there was no reason to be nervous, this wasn’t a date after all, but he’d already had such an overwhelming morning and didn’t want to feel so on edge while he talked to Katara.

“Thank you,” she said as he set her tea down in front of her. 

“You’re welcome, lavender and honey, right?” 

“Mhm,” 

He watched as she took a sip of her tea, her shoulders dropping in relaxation. This action made him smile, thinking about how his Uncle always swore that a cup of tea could fix anything. 

“Why are you smiling?” Katara asked. 

“Nothing, I was just thinking that you and my uncle would get along.” 

“Really, why’s that?” 

“You both like tea,” he answered, making her giggle. 

They were both quiet for a few moments, taking a few more sips as they looked out the window. 

“So, do you want to talk about earlier?” Katara asked, breaking the silence. 

“Earlier?” 

“Yeah, when you ran into me, your face- it looked like you were running from something.” 

He sighed, bringing his hands up around his cup. “Not something, someone...” 

“Oh? Who were you running from?” 

He hesitated, sharing feelings with someone he barely knew definitely wasn’t at the top of his strengths. It was scary sharing pieces of your soul with someone because sometimes you didn’t get those pieces back. 

“You know what," Katara said waving him off, "forget it, you don’t have to tell me,” 

“No, I want to… it’s just hard to talk about I guess,” 

She paused for a moment, taking him in before she reached across the table and placed a hand over his. “Most important things are,” 

He looked up from their hands, feeling his breath catch in his throat. How was it possible that she could see him so easily? 

“Do you know Mai?” She nodded. “Well, she was girlfriend,” 

Her brows furrowed. “Was?” 

“Yeah, we um, broke up last week and just a few days ago I found out that she was cheating on me while we were together.” 

Katara gasped. “What? Oh Zuko, I’m so sorry,” 

He shrugged. “I wasn’t a very good boyfriend, so I guess she went elsewhere to find what I couldn’t give her.” 

“I’m sure that’s not true and besides, there’s no excuse for cheating.” 

He looked down at his tea between his hands, shrugging again because he didn’t really know what else to say. If he was being honest with himself, he really hadn’t known that Mai was so unhappy with him because she had never said anything about it. Sure, they didn’t do typical couple stuff like hold hands and go on dates but she never seemed like that type of girl to him. 

“Anyways,” he continued, “I was on my way to class this morning and I saw them together on the quad and I just froze.”

“That must’ve been really painful for you,” Katara commented quietly. 

“It really just made me feel like a failure.”

His father’s voice snarled in his head,  _ Look at you, so pathetic, you can’t even keep a girlfriend.  _

Katara put her hand over his again, giving it a gentle squeeze. “You’re not a failure Zuko. Mai cheating and ending your relationship is a reflection of her, not of you.” 

He looked at her then, taking in her gorgeous eyes that were blue like the ocean on a perfect cloudless day. He wanted to believe her, he did. But he also was hyper aware of his shortcomings and girls like Katara didn’t date let alone hang out with guys like him. He wondered if she would want to see him again after this. 

“Thank you, Katara.” 

“Anytime,” she said, giving his hand one more squeeze before settling back against her chair. 

They spent the rest of their time together finishing their tea and talking about how their classes were going that semester. It turned out that Katara was an elementary education major which didn’t surprise him in the slightest. 

Once they discarded their tea cups, they headed for the exit and made their way out to the sidewalk. 

“I really enjoyed having tea with you Zuko,” 

“Me too Katara,” 

“Maybe we could do it again sometime?” She asked, her eyes hopeful. 

He swallowed hard, feeling his Adam's apple bob up and down against his throat. Part of him wanted to say no, he’d more than made up for knocking her down on the sidewalk but the other part of him, the part that felt as hopeful as she looked wanted to spend more time with her. 

_ Hope is something you give yourself, _ his Uncle would say,  _ that is the meaning of inner strength.  _

Before he could answer her, he spotted Mai and Ty Lee walking towards them. Katara’s brow furrowed before she looked over her shoulder to see what he was looking at. She stepped closer to him, placing her hands on his chest. 

“What are you-”   
  


“-Zuko, do you trust me?” 

“Yes,” 

“Follow my lead,” she said, bringing her hand up to cup his left cheek smiling at him before pressing up on her tippy toes and kissing him. 

He had heard people talk about a moment like this, he’d even read about it. The moment where someone unexpectedly kisses you and fireworks explode around you as your world turns on its axis. It knocked the wind right out of him. He only dreamed of having one of these moments for himself one day instead of just reading about it in books. 

Bringing his hand up, he threaded his fingers through her luscious brown waves, positioning his hand at the base of her skull so he could return her kiss with equal fervor. Katara pulled away first a few moments later, blushing even though her eyes were still closed. 

“Wow,” he breathed, pressing his forehead to hers. 

“Yeah, wow,” she answered breathlessly. 

“Hey Zuko,” Ty Lee said as she and Mai got closer to him. 

He reluctantly released Katara, silent cursing Ty Lee for interrupting their moment. “Ty Lee,” 

“Who’s this?” Ty Lee asked curiously. 

Zuko froze, not knowing what to say. 

“I’m Katara," Katara answered easily, waving at the two girls. "Zuko’s girlfriend.” 

_ GIRLFRIEND?!  _

“Aren’t you Sokka’s little sister?” Mai asked, glaring at the two of them. 

“I am,” Katara answered, “But I don’t think we’ve ever met before.” 

Zuko resisted the urge to smirk because Katara had definitely met Ty Lee and Mai before. 

“I’m Ty Lee,” Ty Lee said chiming in, “and this is Mai.” 

“How does your brother feel about you having a boyfriend like Zuko?” Mai asked Katara, glaring at her. 

Rage exploded in his chest like a volcano, he knew Mai wouldn’t be happy seeing him with another girl but she was the one who broke up with him. She didn’t have the right to be upset or to throw such a low blow. 

Katara tucked herself into his side. “Well, if it was any of Sokka’s business, I’m sure he would be thrilled that I’m dating someone like Zuko.” 

The heat in his chest was quickly cooled as he felt pride start to swell in his chest. Katara was protecting him. 

Mai stepped forward. “Maybe you don’t know the  _ real  _ him ,” 

“Mai, c’mon, stop it,” Ty Lee whined, 

Zuko draped his arm around Katara’s shoulders, pulling her closer. He was done playing Mai’s games. “Come on sweetheart, let me walk you to class,” 

Katara beamed up at him before looking back at the two girls. “Toodles!” she said, waggling her fingers at them. 

Keeping his eyes on his 'girlfriend', he turned walking toward the direction of the education buildings. 

Once they were far enough away Katara asked, “Do you think they bought it?” 

“Yeah,” He most certainly did. “You were really convincing,” 

“So were you,” she said, a new shade of pink rising on her cheeks. 

“Listen, Katara I-” 

“Katara!” 

Katara snapped her head towards the voice that was calling out to her. “Aang! Oh my Tui and La, what are you doing here?” 

A bald guy, a little shorter than Katara was running toward them. 

“I’m visiting my best friend, obviously,” he said, sweeping her up into a big hug. “Sokka and your dad are preparing a huge meal to welcome me, they sent me to come get you.” 

“Oh, okay, that sounds great!” 

Right, Katara had a life, one that didn’t include him he thought sullenly. Jealousy wasn’t a new emotion for him, in fact, it was currently greeting him like an old friend. 

“I’ll see you later Katara,” Zuko said, before turning to walk away. 

“Zuko wait,” She grabbed his arm. 

Katara’s hand making purchase on his arm surprised him, he turned to look at her. 

“Will you call me later?” she asked. 

He felt dumbstruck. “You want me...to call you...later?” 

“Yes,” she said emphatically, “Will you?” 

“I don’t have your number,” He answered lamely, scratching the back of his neck. 

“Give me your phone silly,” 

He took his phone out of his pocket, unlocking it before handing it to her. She entered her name and number into his contacts before sending herself a message. 

“There,” she said, handing it back to him. “Now you have no reason not to call me.” 

“Okay,” he said, smiling at her. “I guess I’ll talk to you later then.” 

“I guess you will,” she replied, smiling back at him. 

He watched her go, joining her friend before they turned and walked towards the parking lots, his uncle’s words that he thought about earlier returning to his head. 

_Hope is something you give yourself,_ _that is the meaning of inner strength._

He supposed that just this once, he could allow himself to have a little hope. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Katara gets interrogated by Sokka and Zuko gets a call from his dad... 
> 
> Chapter Tags:  
> Mention of Mental Illness  
> Verbal Abuse  
> Self-harm  
> *If the last two don't sit well with you, end the chapter when Zuko gets a call from his dad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout out to those of you who have left comments and kudos, and to those of you who have bookmarked and subscribed to this fic! It means more than you know 💕
> 
> This fic is unbeta'd, so please forgive any grammatical/spelling errors 😊

Katara was on cloud nine the entire way home. Even though she was trying to be present with Aang, she couldn’t stop thinking about Zuko. If she closed her eyes, she could still feel a slight tingle from the feeling of his lips on hers. When he knocked her down by accident this morning, she could see the sadness in his eyes and all she wanted to do was wrap him up in her arms and heal him. 

She had felt this way about him for a long time even though he probably hadn’t even noticed her until they started attending university together. As a daughter of a diplomat, she traveled all over the world and went to several different schools so when all the diplomats would get together, it was custom for their kids to be stuck together as well. Since Sokka was only one year older than her, they were usually attached at the hip and they never really reached out to make new friends. However, that didn’t mean she didn’t notice people. 

The first time she remembered seeing Zuko, they couldn’t have been older than nine or ten. He and his little sister Azula followed dutifully behind their father. Azula walked around like she owned the place while Zuko kept his head bowed, his shaggy hair covering his face. When he finally looked up, his piercing golden gaze all but knocked her off her feet and at the young age of eight years old, she felt an unfamiliar throb form in her chest. A few years later, she would come to realize that this unfamiliar feeling in her chest was a crush. 

Every time Katara saw Zuko after that, no matter how much time had passed, she would feel a giddy excitement as soon as he stepped into the room. She wanted to talk to him so badly that her heart desperately ached but she was too shy and therefore, as time continued to pass, she only admired him from afar. 

She was thirteen the next time she saw him and she was determined to talk to him. There was going to be a party later that evening and after spending a few hours practicing in the mirror, she felt ready. When he walked into the ballroom, her hands started to sweat but she decided to waste no time and walked straight towards him. As usual, his gaze was on the floor but when she got a little closer he looked up and that’s when she saw it. Fear and unease rooted her to the spot as she took in the new scar on his otherwise handsome face. 

She took a step closer, squinting in the dim party light to get a better look at him. She gasped, realizing he had been burned. 

Just then, a firm hand landed on her shoulder making her jump. 

“Dad,” she breathed. “You scared me,” 

“It’s impolite to stare,” he father scolded. 

She cast her eyes down. “You’re right, I’m sorry,” 

“Sokka has been looking for you, why don’t you go run and find.” 

“Yes sir,” she relented, looking over her shoulder one more time in Zuko’s direction but he had disappeared from sight. 

Little did she know that would be the last time she saw him until she went to college.

“What are you thinking about?” Aang asked as they pulled up in front of her father’s house. 

She shrugged. “Nothing important.” 

“Liar,” Aang said,sticking his tongue out at her. 

She blushed, had she been that obvious?

“Are you thinking about the guy you gave your number to before we left?” He asked, waggling his eyebrows at her. 

“I was, actually, yeah,” she admitted sheepishly. 

“How could you start dating someone and not tell me? I thought we told each other everything.” He whined.

“It’s still fairly new, I haven’t even told Sokka or my dad yet.” She bit her lower lip, it wasn’t a total lie. 

Before Aang could say anything else, Sokka came barreling out of the house. “Katara, we need to talk!” 

“Oh boy,” Aang said, grimacing. “Do think that’s about…” 

“Yup,” she said, sighing. 

“I guess I’ll go see if your Dad needs help with anything,” Aang said before walking into the house. 

“Hey, big brother,” Katara said brightly, “What’s up?” 

“Don’t hey big brother me,” Sokka grumbled, crossing his arms. 

“What’s wrong?” she asked, feigning innocence. 

“Don’t play dumb with me Katara! When were you planning on telling me that you were dating Zuko?” He hissed. 

She leveled him with a glare. “Who told you?”

“Mai texted me a little while ago, she said you were all over each other outside the coffee shop.” 

Katara rarely understood people like Mai. She broke Zuko’s heart and tossed him to the curb like trash. Why did she care now who he spent his time with?

“We weren’t all over each other,” she said, rolling her eyes. “I kissed him and then he walked me to class. That was it.” 

“You kissed him?” Sokka said, making a face of disgust. 

“Yes! That’s what two people dating do sometimes, they kiss.” 

“He’s not a guy you should be dating Katara,” Sokka said, his tone low. 

“Ugh, Sokka,” she said, pinching the bridge of her nose. “You may be the oldest but you don’t know everything,” 

“I know he’s not a good guy,” 

“Oh, yeah? And who told you that? Mai?” 

“As a matter of fact, yeah, she did,” 

“And you think someone who cheated and broke Zuko’s heart is the best judge of his character?” 

“Katara... I know how you are, you’re not going to be able to _ fix  _ him.” 

“That’s not-” she stammered, caught off guard. I’m’ not-” 

“And what about your anxiety, huh? How are you going to manage school and all the stress that comes along with that while dating someone?” 

She clenched her fists until she felt her finger nails bite the soft flesh of her palms. “Why can’t you just be happy for me?” 

Sokka’s face softened. “I am happy for you sis, I’m just looking out for you. I don’t want to see you get hurt.” 

“I know that, I do. It’s just what’s the point of life if I’m just going to walk around all the time in a protective bubble? That’s not living… not in my opinion anyway.” 

Sokka sighed. “You really like him?” 

“Yes,” It was the honest to Tui & La truth. 

“Fine,” he groaned, “I guess I’m okay with it, just don’t kiss in front of me okay? It’s gross.” 

She laughed open heartedly. “I think I can manage that,” 

***

Zuko had just stepped out of the shower when his phone rang. His brow furrowed as he secured a towel around his waist, wondering who would be calling him at this hour. 

His heart leapt in his chest when he saw Katara’s name flash across his cell phone screen. It wasn’t that he wasn’t going to call her, he just hadn’t worked up the courage yet. What if she got home and realized that kissing him was a mistake? 

With a shaking hand, he unlocked the screen. “Katara, hey,” 

“Hey, is now a bad time?” 

“No, now’s fine… what’s up?” 

She hesitated. “Sokka knows about us…” 

He swallowed. “Us?” 

“Yeah… I mean, I guess Mai called him after she saw us… I barely made it out of Aang’s car before the questions started.” 

He sighed angrily but didn’t say anything.

“Sokka just assumed we were dating and I didn’t correct him… you’re not mad are you?” 

“No Katara, of course I’m not mad,” he huffed. 

Just then, his phone beeped letting him know that Katara wanted to switch to FaceTime. He pressed the accept button and Katara’s beautiful face took up his screen. It was clear she was getting ready for bed, her hair was piled high in a messy bun on top of her head and she was wearing an oversized t-shirt. 

“You sound mad,” she whispered, her eyes filled with worry. 

He clenched his fist, sighing loudly. “Okay, I am mad, but not at you. I just wish Mai would give it a rest already and I can’t imagine your brother had anything nice to say about me.” 

“He was more upset that I didn’t tell him about you but I just told him everything was still pretty new.” 

A small feeling of envy made his chest tighten. He wondered how Azula would react to the news that he was dating someone. 

Were they even dating? 

He took a deep breath, only one way to find out. “Hey, Katara?” 

“Yes?” 

“Are we? Dating?” He asked, holding her gaze.

She huffed a breath of air. “Do you want to be?” 

“I asked you first,” he said, his voice a little shaky. He couldn’t pinpoint why but it was important to him for her to say it first.

“Can you be dating someone you’ve never been on a date with before?” She quipped. 

He chuckled, the tension in his shoulders slowly fading. “You mean today didn’t count?” 

“Nope, that was an apology, it doesn’t count.” She shook her head a few times before caging her lower lip between her teeth. 

He felt his cheeks heat at the realization that she was flirting with him. “Okay, then, would you like to go on a date with me?” 

“I’d love that,” 

A smile broke across his face, so wide his cheeks hurt. “When?” 

“Saturday? Sokka is throwing a huge house party on Friday night, he’d kill me if I missed it.” 

His shoulders slumped in disappointment. “Oh, I was hoping to see you before then.” 

“I mean…” she hesitated. “Never mind it’s stupid.” 

“No, what were you going to say?” 

“Well, I usually just stay up in my room the whole time,” she continued. “You could stop by the party if you want?” 

His stomach squeezed with anxiety, he hated parties. “Sure, I could do that.” 

“Great! I’ll see you Friday then.”

He smiled. “See you Friday,” 

He ended the call, tossing his phone on his bed before going back to the bathroom to finish drying off. Catching his reflection in the mirror, he stared at himself for a moment. Between his strict gym regimen and his meditation exercises, he had filled out a lot since he was a boy. His whole body was toned and muscular. He’d actually consider himself pretty decent looking if it wasn’t for the hideous scar on his face. 

It was hard to ignore your traumatic past when it was constantly staring back at you. 

Going back to his bedroom, he threw on a tshirt and sweats before heading back out to the front room. His phone was ringing and part of him wondered if it was Katara again. 

But it wasn’t Katara’s name flashing on his screen this time, it was his father’s. He went rigid with panic, his eyes going wide. 

Shaking, he picked up the phone before it could go to voicemail. “Dad?” 

“Zuko.” 

“Why are you calling? Is Azula okay?” 

“Your sister is fine. I’m calling because your professor e-mailed to tell me you missed class today.” 

“My professor called you?” His brows furrowed in confusion.

“Well, yes, I pay for your education. Do you really think I wouldn’t hear about it when you skip class?” 

“I didn’t skip… I wasn’t feeling well.” 

“I don’t want to hear your excuses!” His father snapped.

“Dad I-” 

“You’re pathetic! The only reason why I haven’t disowned you is because I’m hoping you take your education seriously and don’t soil our family name more than you already have.” 

Zuko felt like he had been slapped, his heart filled with anguish. 

“I don’t care if you are on death’s door,” Ozai continued, “If you miss another class I will personally come down there myself and make you regret it. Do I make myself clear?” 

“Yes, sir.” 

“I’m serious Zuko, if you embarrass me one more time, you are done- you hear me? DONE!” 

The line went dead. 

His phone clattered to the floor as his hands went numb and his stomach lurched. Rushing to the bathroom, he barely got the toilet seat cover up before he retched, his knees hitting the cold linoleum floor hard. When he was done, his whole body was covered in a sheen of sweat. Wiping his mouth with the collar of his t-shirt, he stood and went to the sink rinsing his mouth out and splashing cold water on his face before looking at himself in the mirror. 

His skin was pale and clammy and there were dark circles under his eyes. 

_ Don’t soil our family name more than you already have _

_ You’re pathetic! _

_ You are done- you hear me? DONE! _

_ Weak _

_ Poor excuse for a son _

_ Why can’t you be more like your sister?  _

_ A disgrace  _

One mental blow after another, each one rooting into his soul like a parasite. His panic quickly turned to rage as he continued to observe himself in the mirror, hot tears streaking down his face. 

_ You are a pathetic, weak excuse for a son. You should’ve never been born.  _

Like a tight rubber band, his restraint snapped as he let out an inhuman scream before punching his reflection in the mirror. He whimpered, grabbing the sides of his face and pulling at his hair as he slumped to the floor. 

As far he was concerned, his father already disowned him. No matter how hard he tried, he would never be good enough, not even at his best. 

Putting his head in his hands, he began to sob.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Our poor boy Zuko, am I right? ☹ Rest assured, he is going to realize that what he did is not a good coping skill and check in with his Uncle. But in the meantime anyone want to throat punch Ozai with me? Also, I realize I tagged this as a "Fake Dating AU" but apparently my muse wants Zutara to date for real instead 🙃 Whoops. 
> 
> If you have time to leave a comment, I'd love to hear from you 💕
> 
> P&B,
> 
> -Peyton


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Tags: 
> 
> Angst  
> Self deprecating thoughts  
> Anxiety  
> Minor violence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout out to those of you who have left comments and kudos, and to those of you who have bookmarked and subscribed to this fic! It means more than you know 💕
> 
> This fic is unbeta'd, so please forgive any grammatical/spelling errors 😊

The next morning, Zuko sat in his Uncle Iroh’s kitchen wincing as his uncle cleaned and wrapped the fresh wound on his hand.

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked. 

“Do I ever want to talk about it?” Zuko shot back. 

His Uncle sighed in response.

Once Iroh was finished with the bandage, he deposited the gauze and extra tape in the trash before he went to the sink to wash his hands. As expected, once his hands were clean, he grabbed the tea kettle off the stove and began to fill it with water. Once the kettle was full, he shut off the tap and placed it back on the stove before lighting the gas burner. 

He continued to tinker in the kitchen in silence, not pressing Zuko to talk about why he showed up at his house this morning with a bloody fist and a shattered existence. 

“My father called me last night,” He confessed quietly. 

Iroh froze, his hand mid air in front of the cabinet holding the mugs. “Ah,” 

Zuko hung his head in shame, it had been awhile since he let his father’s harsh words get under his skin like that. It left him feeling vulnerable and weak. 

“And what did your father have to say?” Iroh asked as he continued to pull two mugs down from the cabinet and placed them on the counter. 

“Oh you know,” Zuko said bitterly. “That I’m a disappointment and if I don’t get my shit together that he’s going to come down here and beat the shit out of me.” 

The tea kettle whistled from it’s spot on the stove and Iroh went over to it, turning it off. He poured water into their mugs and brought them over to the table. Zuko took his, blowing over the top before taking a tentative sip. 

Lavender and honey, Katara’s favorite. Agni, what would she think when she saw his hand on Friday night? She would probably think that he was some unstable freak and run screaming for the hills. 

“Stop it,” his Uncle said, his tone soft but firm. 

Zuko looked up. “Stop what?” 

“Whatever terrible things you’re thinking about yourself right now. That voice in your head? It’s your father’s and it’s wrong.”

Zuko just stared at his tea mug, not saying anything as tears started to well up and sting his eyes. 

“You have light and peace inside of you Zuko,” his uncle continued, “If you let it out, you can change the world around you.” 

He knew there was light inside of him but there was also a darkness and sometimes the darkness felt like it was one breath away from consuming him entirely. 

Deflecting he asked, “Did you get that from your fortune cookie in this week’s take out Uncle?” 

“Brat,” His uncle muttered, blowing on his tea once more before taking a sip. 

Later, before he left his Uncle pulled him in for a tight hug. “You call me next time it gets that bad, don’t wait until morning. Don’t forget your exercises.” 

Zuko sighed. “I will Uncle,” 

“I love you,” His Uncle said quietly, giving him one more squeeze before releasing him. 

Before he moved in with his Uncle it was rare that Zuko was touched and for the longest time he couldn’t remember the last time his parents said they loved him. It took a very long time not to tense up when his Uncle hugged him and not feel shy or embarrassed when his Uncle told him he loved him or that he was proud of him. Despite his unease, his Uncle never stopped doing those things and eventually, Zuko began to believe him. 

“Love you too old man. I’ll see you next week for dinner?” 

His Uncle smiled at him. “Yes, see you then.” 

Driving back to campus, Zuko thought about Katara again and what he was going to tell her when she saw his hand. There was no way she wasn’t going to notice the bandage on his hand. He didn’t want to scare her but he also didn’t want to lie about it either. Part of him wondered if he should even get involved with Katara at all. She was a smart beautiful girl and for some reason she was interested in him. He remembered growing up when they would be at the same place at the same time how she would always secretly look in his direction. It used to unnerve him when he walked into a room and felt her eyes on him. Every time he met her gaze he always expected there to be a look of disgust on her face but there wasn’t. There was only empathy, wonder and understanding. 

The other part of him, the selfish part, wanted to go on a date with her even though he knew he would never be good enough for her. Agni, he didn’t even know how to go on a date. Parking his car in one of the commuter lots on campus, he added “research how to take a girl on a date” to his mental to do list before getting out of his car and heading to class. Checking the time on his phone, he huffed a sigh of relief when he saw he would be about five minutes early. The last thing he needed was another one of his professors to contact his dad with any kind of report. 

***

As Katara heard the house below her start to fill with people, it occurred to her that she never knew how Sokka had gotten to be so popular over the last few years. Her entire life she had been the quiet one out of the two of them. Even though they were close and only had one year standing between them in age, she couldn’t have been more different than her brother. It was also almost impossible for her to make friends. Besides Aang, she didn’t have anyone. Suki, Sokka’s girlfriend was nice enough to her, but she wouldn’t consider them friends. 

It made her wonder more often than she’d like to admit if there was something wrong with her.

Part of her knew that this was just her anxiety talking and if she let it, it would only continue to fill her head with negative thoughts about herself. Most of the time she was good about fighting them off, but sometimes on nights like tonight, her shoulders were already too heavy from the burden of carrying everything else. 

The burden of being the perfect sister… 

The burden of being the perfect daughter… 

The burden of being the perfect student… 

The burden of being the perfect girlfriend… 

Well, that last one wasn’t exactly right because she wasn’t Zuko’s girlfriend but it didn’t stop from her worrying about it. What would he say when he found out that she wasn’t filled with as much sunshine as he thought? Or on the bad days when she couldn’t get out of bed and probably wouldn’t want to see him… what would he think then? 

She sighed, maybe Sokka was right. Maybe she couldn’t balance dating someone with everything else. This notion didn’t stop her from wanting to try though. She had meant what she said yesterday about not wanting to lead her life like she lived in a plastic bubble. Not to mention, she had had a crush on Zuko for as long as she could remember, could she really walk away now that he was interested in her? 

_No._ Her heart answered.

Accepting her resolve she went to her closet to pick out something other than sweats to wear for when Zuko came over later. Wanting to save her cuter outfits for their date tomorrow, she decided on black leggings, a blue tunic length shirt and a jean jacket. Letting her hair down from its messy bun, she brushed out her hair until it was glossy and soft. Then she applied mascara and a little bit of lip gloss to her lips. When she was done she looked herself over. 

“Not too shabby,” she said, twisting her body back and forth so she could give herself a once over in her full length mirror. 

Just then, her phone pinged letting her know she had a text message. The butterflies in her stomach fluttered in anticipation as she picked her phone and unlocked it. 

**Zuko:** I’m here

**Zuko:** And your brother has already found me

**Zuko:** SOS

She laughed, shaking her head as she texted him back. 

**Katara:** Be right there

***

Zuko had never been a fan of parties. Even as a kid growing up the idea of large crowds and forced social interactions made his chest tighten. As he walked up the sidewalk to Sokka and Katara’s house he felt the same feeling of unease. 

He just hoped that no one would want to talk to him. 

“Zuko! You made it!” A male voice called to him as soon as he entered the house.

He winced. _Well, there goes that_ He thought humorlessly to himself. 

“Hey Sokka,” he said, forcing himself to give the guy a smile. 

“Hey man, listen,” Sokka said, gripping his shoulder. “I think it’s really great that you’re dating my sister, and I know she can handle herself but-” 

“If I hurt her, you’ll hurt me?” Zuko said, finishing his thought. 

Sokka smiled at him. “Yeah! How’d you know that was what I was going to say?” 

“Just a hunch,” He replied, shrugging. 

“I’m actually really happy that you and my sister are dating.” 

That surprised him. “Yeah?” 

“Yeah, I mean, I’m sure she’s told you all about her issues. I think it’s really cool of you to still want to date her after all that. Not many guys would.” 

Zuko’s brows furrowed in confusion. “What do you mean, ‘her issues’?” 

“You know, her anxiety, panic attacks, depression? She told you all of this, didn’t she?” 

Katara hadn’t told him any of that but that was because they barely knew each other. From experience, Zuko considered mental health issues to be extremely private and here Sokka was sharing his sister's personal life for the whole free world to hear like it was no big deal. 

“Anyways,” Sokka continued, “Enjoy yourself tonight, I’m sure Katara will be down shortly-- Oh wait, she’s right here.”

Zuko turned his head to follow Sokka’s line of sight. Katara was standing on the threshold of the room, her face scrunched up like she was in pain as tears fell down her face. It was clear that she had heard their entire conversation. 

Before Zuko could open his mouth to say anything, she shook her head and disappeared down the hall. 

“Katara, wait!” Zuko yelled. 

“What is she so upset about?” Sokka asked, complete dumbfounded. 

Clenching his fists as he squeezed his eyes shut, he took a deep steadying breath. Now was not the time to punch his potential girlfriend’s brother in the face. 

“I’m not sure,” he lied, “But I’m going to go catch up with her and find out.” 

***

Hot tears streamed down Katara’s face as she pushed through the throng of people currently filling up her living room. She had walked in on Sokka and Zuko’s conversation just when Sokka was filling him in on how much of a freak she was. How could Sokka do that to her? How could he be so careless when it came to her feelings? It was too late now, the truth was out there and she didn’t want to stand around and wait for Zuko’s reaction. He couldn’t break her heart if he couldn’t talk to her. It was childish she knew, but right now it was about all she could handle. 

Wiping her cheeks with the sleeve of her jean jacket, she pushed her way into the kitchen to get herself a glass of water. 

“Hey Katara, why the long face?” 

Katara cringed. She turned to see Jet leaning against the counter on the opposite side of the kitchen. He was wearing his stupid leather jacket with the words ‘Freedom Fighters’ across the back.

She met Jet last semester in one of her classes. One day the professor assigned a project and instructed everyone in the lecture hall to pair up with someone. She remembered looking around helplessly since she didn’t know anyone in the class and that’s when Jet approached her and offered to be her partner. He was really sweet and she couldn’t but find his whole ‘bad boy’ persona attractive. 

She quickly found out that Jet was a useless project partner, he was really lazy and she ended up completing the majority of the project by herself. Despite this, she was hopeful that after they handed in the project that he would ask her out on a date. 

The day the project was due, she overheard a conversation Jet was having with a few of his friends. 

_“I can’t believe you offered to be that girl’s partner,” one friend said in disgust._

_“Are you kidding me? I just got an easy A! I’ve got her wrapped around my finger, the rest of this class is going to be a breeze.”_

“What do you want Jet?” She asked, glaring at him. 

“So feisty,” he tsked, taking a step toward her. 

“I have nothing to say to you, go find some other helpless girl to flirt with.” 

“You know Katara,” he said, completely ignoring what she just said. “We should go out sometime.

Jet’s smugness made her temper flare, some guys were real idiots. “Thanks, but no thanks.” 

“Aw, why not? I thought we made a good pair.” 

Katara rolled her eyes. “You’re lazy and insufferable, I wouldn’t go out on a date with you even if you were the last human on earth.” 

He glared at her, stepping into her personal space. “You should be thanking me for taking pity on you.” 

She scoffed. “You can shove it Jet, I’m done with this conversation.” 

As she stepped sideways to get away from him, but before she could Jet’s hand shot out and grabbed her wrist.

“Hey!” she said, trying to yank herself free. “Get your hands off of me!” 

“You think you’re so much better than the rest of us,” Jet sneered. “You should be grateful a guy like me would go out with someone as pathetic as you. It’s not like you have any other prospects.” 

“Actually, she does.” 

Both Jet and Katara turned to see Zuko standing not even a foot away from them. His expression was murderous.

“Hey, man, buzz off! This doesn’t concern you.” 

Zuko lunged forward, grabbing Jet’s forearm and twisting it back so he let go of her. “I’m going to give you one chance to walk away unharmed for putting your hands on her.” 

More people were starting to file into the kitchen, surrounding the three of them. 

Jet pulled out of Zuko’s hold, his face red with rage. “That bitch asked for it,” 

“Big mistake,” Zuko wound his arm back and punched Jet straight in the jaw sending him flying back across the kitchen and on to the floor.

“Zuko! Don’t!” Katara yelled her hands flying up to cover her mouth in shock. 

The room around her erupted into chaos. Jet scrambled off the floor and lunged for Zuko, swinging his fist at him. Zuko dodged Jet’s attempted blow effortlessly and then landed a right hook against Jet’s cheek, sending him back again. 

“What the hell is going on in here?” Sokka’s voice boomed behind them. “Everyone outside, NOW!” 

Zuko turned, pulling Katara to him and wrapping his arms protectively around her as people began to file out of the kitchen to the backyard. She pressed her face to his shoulder, taking a few deep breaths letting his scent soothe her racing heart. 

“Shh, it’s okay,” he whispered against her hair. “I’ve got you,” 

As soon as Sokka stepped into the kitchen he took one look at her and Zuko and then at Jet. “Get him out of here,” he growled. 

Once the kitchen was empty, Zuko released his hold on her and brought his hand up to cup her cheek. “Are you okay?” 

She nodded, fresh tears leaking out of the corner of her eyes and down her face. 

Gently, he wiped them away with the pad of his thumb. “Do you want to get out of here?” 

“Please,” 

Nodding once, he laced his fingers with her and led her out of the house to his car. Once they were both seated and buckled he asked, “Is my place okay?” 

“Sure, your place is fine.” 

Wrapping her arms around herself, she looked out the window as he pulled away from the curb. 

“I’m sorry I ran away from you tonight… maybe if I hadn’t this wouldn’t have happened.” She said softly.

“Don’t do that,” 

“Don’t do what?” 

“Blame yourself, that scumbag shouldn’t have put his hands on you. End of story.” 

She knew what he was saying was true, but hearing something and believing it were two different things. 

“Katara,” He said, reaching over to tilt her chin so she would look at him once they were at a red light. “This isn’t your fault.” 

“Okay,” she whispered softly in agreement. 

The light turned green but they were the only car on the road. Giving her a small smile, he leaned over the arm rest between them and pressed a chaste kissed on her forehead. When he was done, he took his hand in hers gently stroking his thumb over her knuckles as they continued on their way. 

She might not have known Zuko very well but it wasn’t lost on her that he wasn’t perfect. He was guarded, tragic and had a bit of a temper but he was also caring, protective and kind. He was a beautiful disaster and after he defended her tonight, she knew it wouldn’t be long before she started to fall head over heels in love with him.

  
_Who are kidding?_ A small voice in her heart thought. _You already are._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly can't remember the last time I updated a fic this quickly but this story is pouring out of me and I'm not sorry! lol I hope you're enjoying this AU so far! 
> 
> If you have time to leave a comment, I'd love to hear from you 💕
> 
> P&B,
> 
> -Peyton


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